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  • Positive Discipline
    and Self-Esteem

  • Positive Discipline and Self-Esteem

    This presentation will cover

    • What is positive discipline?
    • What is self-esteem?
    • The effects of self-esteem
    • How to help children develop high self-esteem
    • Why positive discipline is important for positive self-esteem
    • How to understand challenging behaviors in young children
    • Ways to encourage cooperation and limit defiance while promoting high self-esteem
    • How to discipline young children and set appropriate limits
    • Book suggestions
    • When to seek help

  • Positive Discipline and Self-Esteem

    Every child is unique and a discipline strategy that works for one child may not work with your child. The important thing to remember is to stay positive. Using positive discipline to teach your child appropriate behavior protects your child’s self-esteem and lets your child feel loved.

  • Positive Discipline

    Positive discipline is a way of setting limits on children’s behavior that teaches them how to express their needs and wants in socially responsible and acceptable ways.

    Positive discipline does not involve harsh punishment. Disciplining a child through harsh punishment can cause emotional and/or physical injuries to a child. Punishment for misbehavior does not lead to lasting changes.

    • Verbal punishment such as shaming or criticizing a child can hurt a child’s self-esteem.
    • Physical punishment such as hitting or spanking may injure the child.

  •  

    When you and your child are at a store, you notice that your child’s behavior becomes challenging. Maybe your child screams when he is happy, upset, or wants a treat. What is your best choice?

  •  

    Every situation is a chance to teach your child how to be socially responsible in an environment. Running errands when your child is well rested and fed will make the trip more enjoyable for your child. Preparing your child to go into a different environment can help. You can say to your child, “We are going to a store. Let’s use our indoor voice. Our indoor voice sounds like this…” You can also keep your child occupied by pointing out the different things at the store. Make sure to praise your child for doing a good job!

    Continue

  • Actually...

    Every situation is a chance to teach your child how to be socially responsible in an environment. If your child is experiencing outbursts or tantrums, look into why your child is behaving in a challenging way. Prepare your child for a new environment. You can say to your child, “We are going to a store. Let’s use our indoor voice. Our indoor voice sounds like this…” You can also keep your child occupied by pointing out the different things at the store. Make sure to praise your child for doing a good job!

    Continue

  • Self-Esteem

    Self-esteem is how you think and feel about yourself.

    Children develop their self-esteem from how their parents and caregivers react to their behavior and accomplishments.

    Love, care, and affection send the message that your child is important and can positively shape a child’s self-image.

    Children with high self-esteem develop confidence, feel good about themselves, and approach new situations openly.

  • Positive Discipline and Self-Esteem

    Using harsh punishment and criticizing your child can lead to low self-esteem and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety.

    Using positive discipline, validating your child’s feelings, and setting limits on unacceptable behavior helps teach them that they are valued and loved.

    Address unacceptable behavior without criticizing your child. For example, say, “Throwing your toys is not OK,” rather than “You are a bad boy for throwing your toys.”

  • Positive Discipline and Self-Esteem

    Dealing with young children’s challenging behaviors while trying to build high self-esteem can be hard.

    The next slide will provide helpful information on the following:

    • Developmentally appropriate expectations for your child’s behavior.
    • Strategies for setting limits on difficult or inappropriate behavior that will also build your child’s confidence and self-esteem.

  • How to Understand Challenging Behaviors
    in Young Children

    All parents struggle at times with managing difficult and challenging behaviors in young children, such as:

    • Aggression
    • Defiance
    • Temper tantrums

    Toddlers and young children are learning how to express themselves as separate individuals from their parents and caregivers.

    • They may have strong likes and dislikes.
    • They may often use the word “No!”
    • They want to be independent: “I do it myself!”

  • How to Understand Challenging Behaviors
    in Young Children

    Toddlers and young children are still developing self-control and the abilities to wait, share, and take turns.

    • Self-control means being able to express and cope with strong emotions in appropriate ways.
    • Young children learn these skills over time through interactions with others and guidance from parents and other caregivers.

    Toddlers and young children have strong feelings but limited language skills to communicate.

    • They may use actions such as hitting instead of words to communicate feelings of anger or frustration.

  • A Child’s Level of Self-Esteem

    A child’s level of self-esteem affects many aspects of the child’s life and personality, such as:

    • Relationships with others
    • Attitude
    • Ability to make healthy decisions
    • Problem-solving skills
    • Energy level
    • Approach to new situations
    • Creativity
    • Response to peer pressure
    • Ability to reach goals
    • Success at school

  • Children Who Feel Confident

    Children who feel confident in themselves grow to have:

    • Open communication with others where they can express their opinions.
    • A strong sense of their values and beliefs, making it easier to withstand peer pressure.
    • Respect for the uniqueness and differences in themselves and others.
    • Healthy relationships without feelings of jealousy, anger, or inadequacy.

  • How to Help Children Develop High Self-Esteem

    Recognize and appreciate your child’s unique talents and traits. Be involved with their play and activities.

    Show your own positive attitude and self-confidence.

    Acknowledge and encourage your child’s efforts. Praiseyour child’s efforts more than the performance.

    Avoid comparisons to siblings, friends, and peers.

    Use positive and encouraging language.

    Have realistic expectations for behavior.

    Allow your child to make reasonable, safe choices
    (even if the child makes some mistakes).

    Communicate unconditional love.

  •  

    Your child is learning a new activity, but finds it difficult and says, “I’m no good.” What do you say to your child?

  •  

    It is normal for your child to struggle or fail. Remind your child that everyone makes mistakes and these are chances to grow and learn. Make sure that your child’s goals are within reach, at a physically and developmentally appropriate level. To build self-esteem, encourage your child to try things they like and take risks. Offer appropriate praise and encouragement by saying: “It’s OK to make mistakes,” “Try again,” “I believe in you,” or “Keep working hard!”

    Continue

  • Actually...

    It is normal for your child to struggle or fail. Choose your words carefully when you see your child struggling or failing. To build self-esteem, encourage your child to try things they like and take risks. You can say the following phrases, “It’s OK to make mistakes,” “Try again,” “I believe in you,” or “Keep working hard!”

    Continue

  • Ways to Encourage Cooperation and Limit Defiance
    While Promoting High Self-Esteem

    Empathize with and validate your child’s feelings: “I understand you are very angry right now.” This makes your child feel heard. Labeling your child’s emotions helps her to calm down and learn how to manage her strong feelings.

    Offer appropriate choices: “You may have an apple or a banana for snack.” Offering choices shows your child that you trust her to make good decisions. It helps her to feel in control and independent.

  • Ways to Encourage Cooperation and Limit Defiance
    While Promoting High Self-Esteem

    Don’t offer a choice when the decision is really yours. State, “It’s time for bed now,” instead of asking, “Do you want to go to bed now?”

    Establish regular consistent routines: Having predictable routines such as for mealtimes and bedtime help avoid power struggles. Children quickly learn the rules and know what to expect. Providing structure helps children feel safe, competent, and good about themselves.

  • How to Discipline Young Children
    and Set Appropriate Limits

    After calmly acknowledging your child’s feelings and offering choices, set a limit that you can consistently enforce.

    • “I know you are mad because you really wanted to wear your blue shirt today, but it is dirty now. Do you want to wear the red shirt or the yellow shirt?”

    Help your child problem-solve.

    • “We can wash the blue shirt together today so it is ready to wear tomorrow to school.”

    Try to redirect your child’s behavior and do not give in to a tantrum.

    • “You can choose another shirt to wear today. I’ll leave you alone for a moment to decide. If you get dressed, then we will have time to read a book together before school.” Giving too much attention to a tantrum can reinforce the behavior.

  • More Suggestions

    Read books on feelings and behavior together with your child. The following are some suggested books:

    • No No Yes Yes by Leslie Patricelli
    • No, David! by David Shannon
    • When Sophie Gets Angry—Really, Really Angry by Molly Bang
    • Llama Llama Mad at Mama by Anna Dewdney
    • Words Are Not for Hurting by Elizabeth Verkickem
    • Hands Are Not for Hitting by Martine Agassi

  • When to Seek Help

    Aggression and defiance are very common in young children. A child development specialist can help, especially if you notice any of the following behaviors:

    • Aggression that happens so frequently that a child avoids playing with other children, going to preschool, or other activities.
    • Fearlessness that often leads to unsafe behavior or breaking things.
    • A child needs a lot of touch and other sensory stimulation, often leading to unacceptable levels of hitting, pushing, and shoving.
    • Hitting, shoving, pushing, and other aggressive behaviors that are unprovoked and seem to often happen for no reason.
    • Aggression is a repeated theme in the child’s play.

  •  

    Children need their parents’ love, acceptance, and guidance to feel good about themselves and make good decisions. Parents can help their children build self-confidence while learning appropriate behavior by:

    • Having realistic expectations.
    • Providing opportunities for their children
      to make safe choices.
    • Validating their children’s feelings.
    • Consistently enforcing limits.

  • We hope this information has been helpful to you!

    Our Positive Discipline brochure has a checklist you can use while selecting a new child care provider. To download or print the brochure, click here.

    Use the Self-Esteem brochure as a guide for creating a plan that supports you and your child. Click here to download or print the brochure.

    To view another presentation, or explore more resources on parenting or early learning and education, click here.